After our first date, he rejected me. And I complained to a friend that I thought that was so unfair. After one date! Then he couldn’t have a good image of me at all, could he? (No, I am not on the market right now, this is taking place years ago).
Then my friend spoke the magic words: ‘but Marjan, how did you show him what he still needs to see to have a good picture of you?’
I hadn’t shown him everything
She hit the nail on the head, of course. Because if I am modest, or cautious, and do not yet show who and what else I am, how should he know that he might have wanted to promote me to his date, his girlfriend, his partner…?
Just like you at work…
It’s just like applying for a job. If you very modestly tell people what you can do, but you don’t emphatically show what you have what it takes to get that other job, you won’t be heard and seen. And rejection follows.
What are you good at?
It starts with how you see yourself. When you introduce yourself, what do you say about yourself? It is then useful to name some of your qualities. What you use to portray yourself. For that, you need a good self-image.
With good self-esteem you look at yourself in a positive way. That partly determines how you think and act in situations. And that, in turn, influences the invitation to a job interview. If you feel that the job offer is exactly right for you, it becomes easier to write a winning CV and catchy cover letter.
Tell it!
That you are suitable for the job, that you can do it, I know. So then the question is: what do you show of that in the job interview? Do you easily tell about yourself? Don’t think so huh. If you are one of those women I see in my practice, you may be a bit reluctant to be judged by others. And when you talk about your achievements, you do place the comments on them yourself in advance.
Women tend to describe their achievements less positively than men. Try bragging in front of yourself. Don’t step on the brakes anywhere, make yourself bigger than you normally would. Chances are your interlocutor will only now think “hey, she’s actually quite worthwhile”. Like my date would have done at the time, if I had dared to show all of myself.
Ask how you come across
And the third step you have to take if you want to get other work is to find out how others see you. Ask others. What do they think of you? Do you like what they tell you about yourself? What surprises you? Where do you have a blind spot?
Everything they see of you helps you sharpen your own image. What they see of you that you are not so happy with, you can start influencing positively. OK, it’s not easy – but it can be done. I see it every day in my practice, when I help yet another woman apply successfully because she manages to present herself better.
Do you come across as sparkling or do they see you as a wallflower? How inspiring do you communicate? This is obviously very important when you are applying for a job. And want to be seen as the candidate for the job you love most.
With me, it worked out well
I did the same when I was still in the dating market, after that comment from my girlfriend. On subsequent dates, I showed my worth. Take it or leave it, but being rejected because the other person didn’t realise how nice I was, that wasn’t going to happen to me again!
And it turned out well. My partner and I have been together for years now. I’m glad I learned to present myself differently then!
Do you want to take the step to get the job you love most? Book a free career session.